Three things you should never say to someone going through a hard time
We all know people who have experienced pain in their lives, and when they do, it’s natural for us to want to be there for them and help. However, it’s often hard to find the right words to say to someone going through pain. We’re here to help by covering some phrases we should all avoid using with someone we know going through a hard time.
1. “At least you have [insert whatever here]”
It doesn't help someone in pain to dismiss their pain and say, well at least you have money or a car or a partner or whatever it is that might be applicable. Having something else that is good does not negate something that is bad.
Sure, reflecting on the good may be part of the healing process from pain, but do not trivialize someone’s pain with “at least” platitudes. This makes people feel like they’ve been complaining or have no right to feel pain, when they do.
2. “God has a plan for your pain”
People who say this usually have well-meaning intentions, but the effect can be detrimental. First of all, it doesn't really address the pain or help in any way. Second, it gives God the onus of responsibility for the pain. God is the source of all things good, and He wants nothing but good for us.
Because He allows us to live in this world with free will, consequences and unpredictability does not mean He prescribes pain. Yes, He will work all things toward good, but your pain doesn’t need to be dismissed in knowing that God has a plan to restore all things for good.
3. “It could be worse”
Going through struggles and pain isn’t a competition. When someone is in pain or dealing with something that is difficult for them, it doesn't help to say, “Well, at least you’re not like so-and-so who doesn't have a place to sleep tonight.” Yeah, everyone understands that not having a place to sleep has to be very hard, but that knowledge doesn’t make pain go away.
Plus, when you turn pain into a competition, it makes the other person feel like you think they’re complaining or oversensitive. Their pain and feelings are valid. Pain doesn't need to be ignored or quantified and disregarded in comparison with another person’s pain. It needs to be acknowledged, addressed and processed in a healthy way.
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At Centerpoint, our community believes in purpose and passion, and we would love to walk with you on your journey in finding yours. Do you want to grow in your faith, or are you simply curious about who this Jesus guy is? You’re not alone. We encourage you to listen to our series online and welcome you to come to one of our Sunday morning services in Valrico, Florida.