How to Survive the Holidays When Your Family Doesn't Share Your Beliefs.
The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. For Christians, it is also a season rich with meaning, as we remember the birth of Christ and His coming to bring peace and hope to the world. Yet, for many believers, gathering with family during the holidays brings challenges when family members don’t share their faith or have differing beliefs and values. Conversations can turn tense, creating an atmosphere far removed from the peace that Christmas promises. How can you honor God, love your family well, and stay true to your beliefs without compromising or causing unnecessary conflict? Here are some practical, biblical insights for navigating this holiday season with grace and love.
1. Ground Yourself in Prayer and Scripture
Before heading into family gatherings, spend time in prayer and reflection. Ask God to prepare your heart, fill you with love and patience, and grant you wisdom for handling difficult situations. Pray for your family members as well. They, too, have their own struggles and beliefs, and they may not know the peace and joy that comes with a life in Christ.
Reflecting on Scripture can also strengthen you for the challenges you may face. Meditate on passages such as:
Matthew 5:16 - "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude... it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth."
These verses remind us that our presence should reflect God's love and light. Our actions and words can communicate His grace, even when spoken to people who may not agree with our faith.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
It’s easy to hope that every holiday gathering will go smoothly, but if you know from past experience that certain topics spark tension, prepare for the possibility of challenging moments. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. Accept that there may be disagreements or misunderstandings, and remember that you’re not responsible for changing others’ beliefs.
Instead of setting a goal to "convert" family members, sway others to your political views, or win theological debates, focus on modeling Christ-like love, peace, and patience. Ask yourself: How can I serve my family in a way that reflects Christ? What can I do to make this time more enjoyable for everyone, even if there are differences?
3. Know When to Speak and When to Listen
During holiday gatherings, sensitive topics may come up, and you may feel compelled to speak out about your beliefs. However, it’s wise to discern when it's appropriate to speak and when it’s better to listen. Jesus demonstrated this beautifully in His conversations—He often listened to people, asked questions, and then responded thoughtfully.
If a family member brings up a topic where your faith or personal convictions are involved, consider responding with a humble and gentle attitude. If asked directly about your beliefs, you can share openly but respectfully, focusing on your own experience rather than trying to impose your views. Remember that sometimes the best way to represent Christ is not through words but through your attitude and kindness.
As it says in Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Strive to be a calming presence and, when in doubt, choose peace over the need to "be right."
4. Be Curious
One of the best ways to foster understanding and build meaningful connections is to approach family members with curiosity rather than assumptions. It’s easy to assume we already know what our loved ones believe, especially if past conversations have been tense. But people’s perspectives can evolve over time, and allowing space for them to express what they truly think can be an act of love.
Ask open-ended questions with genuine curiosity, not to challenge them but to understand their perspectives better. This approach not only shows respect but can also create a safe environment for dialogue. In doing so, you may find common ground, or at the very least, you’ll be modeling humility and openness. As James 1:19 reminds us, “Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This curiosity can soften interactions and help others feel respected, creating opportunities for deeper, more respectful exchanges.
5. Create Boundaries to Maintain Your Peace
Boundaries can be incredibly helpful, especially in family situations where different beliefs create tension. While you want to be open and loving, it's also okay to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Decide in advance what kinds of conversations you’re comfortable with, and don’t be afraid to gently steer conversations away from unproductive topics.
For example, if you sense a conversation is turning argumentative, it’s okay to say something like, “I appreciate hearing your perspective. I think we may see things differently. Let’s focus on enjoying our time together.” Redirecting conversations doesn’t mean avoiding your beliefs—it simply means choosing to prioritize harmony when the situation calls for it.
6. Embrace Grace for Imperfections—Both Theirs and Yours
Family dynamics can be complex, and it’s natural for misunderstandings or difficult moments to arise, especially when beliefs differ. Give yourself grace if you don’t handle every situation perfectly, and extend that same grace to your family. Remember that God is patient with us, and we are called to be patient with others.
If you find yourself in a moment of frustration or tension, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself of God’s love for everyone in the room. As it says in Ephesians 4:2, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” This is a great verse to keep in mind when patience feels strained.
7. Take Time for Self-Care and Reflection
The holidays can be draining, and navigating differing beliefs within family dynamics can add an extra layer of emotional stress. Allow yourself time to recharge. Set aside moments for solitude, prayer, or activities that bring you joy and rest.
During your time alone, reflect on what you’ve experienced, and invite God to help you process any hurt or frustration that may have surfaced. The act of reflecting and praying can refresh your spirit and prepare you to go back into your family gatherings with a renewed sense of peace.
In Conclusion
Surviving the holidays when your family doesn’t share your beliefs may feel daunting, but remember that you’re never alone. Jesus, who endured far more tension and opposition than we ever will, is with you, guiding you and giving you strength. This holiday season, commit to embodying His love, patience, and humility as you gather with family.
Looking for more resources? Check out our recent series, What Our World Needs Now, where we talk about how much our world needs the qualities that Jesus embodied. And you can follow it up with Louder than Words, a series about how our actions (and reactions) can speak far more about what we believe than our words. You can also watch the messages on YouTube or listen in your favorite podcasting app.
At Centerpoint, we’re ready to walk with you on your journey. Join us this Sunday at one of our services in Valrico, Florida, part of the greater Tampa Bay region. Whether you are a longtime believer, just curious about faith, or not really sure what you believe, you can belong to this welcoming and diverse community.