Marriage is not meant to make you happy, so what is it really about?
All of us have some idea in our minds about what marriage should look like.
From the fairy tales we read as children to the Disney movies we watched as adults, most of us have been exposed to various versions of happily ever after. And while it's natural to want a life that resembles a storybook romance, the truth is that your marriage is not meant to make you happy. So, what's it all about if your marriage is not supposed to be a fairy tale and not meant to make you happy?
While this is not an exhaustive list of discussing why marriage is not meant to make you happy, here are five things to consider:
Marriage is about a covenant — In the Bible, marriage is a sacred promise between two people and God, the commitment of two individuals who choose to love and serve one another over a lifetime.
Marriage is about unconditional love — The Bible talks about how love isn't something you can "feel," but instead, it's something that you do:
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (MSG)
Enduring, unconditional love means loving your partner when they are unlovable — because we all have those moments, and it means loving them forever despite their flaws and imperfections.
Marriage is about equality and respect — First Peter 3:7 (MSG) says, "The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground."
We are also told in the Word of God that women are to respect their husbands (see Ephesians 5:33). God set the boundary lines to understand equality and respect in day-to-day life. Marriage may not be meant to make you happy, but it results in happiness when equality and respect are in the picture.
Marriage is a vehicle — It takes you from selfish to selfless. The goal of marriage isn't happiness; it's holiness. Marriage is about becoming more like Jesus every day as we respond to each other's needs, desires, and fears with grace and humility.
Marriage is not an escape from life's problems — Even so, you can work through them together. But a bad marriage can bring more stress into your life than if you were not married. So, before getting married, understand the reality that it takes effort to work through problems together as a couple.
We are not here to say that these things will be easy. Serving each other for the rest of your lives is worth every challenge and sacrifice you make.
So, now let's discuss how to become more selfless to help your marriage bloom.
Here are a few tips for making marriage more selfless:
Be an active listener — When our spouse shares something with us, we choose between actively listening or just hearing what they say (and hoping they get off their soapbox quickly) before responding with our thoughts and feelings. Actively listening requires the intent to put yourself in their shoes before responding. The difference between these two options is night and day.
Be vulnerable — It's much easier to hide behind our defenses than to let ourselves be seen for who we are. It takes courage to let others see our flaws, fears and insecurities, but this is the only way. At first, vulnerability may not cause happiness in your marriage. Being vulnerable to your spouse develops selflessness because sharing your true self is a risk. It can be scary to not know how your spouse will react to the openness or if vulnerability will take you to where you want to go in situations. If both of you are after incredible success in your marriage, it's a risk worth taking.
Learn how to compromise —When you and your spouse disagree about something important, learning to compromise can be challenging, especially if strong feelings are involved! But if you want selflessness in your marriage, you have to learn how to give a little and take a little from time to time to meet both spouses' needs.
The great thing about developing a solid marriage as believers is you don't have to do it alone. Marriage is not meant to make you happy but rather to make you more like Christ. As the body of Christ, we can pray and disciple one another through challenging phases of marriage, then celebrate the victories and answered prayers.
Centerpoint Church is ready to walk with you on your faith journey
At Centerpoint, our community believes in purpose and passion, and we would love to walk with you on your journey in finding yours. You can also find out what our community's drive and passion are all about by checking out some of the past sermons we've posted on our website.
Do you want to grow in your faith, or are you curious about who this Jesus guy is? You're not alone. We encourage you to listen to our podcast series online and welcome you to come to one of our Sunday morning services in Valrico, Florida.