Three examples of bad ways to help people

“There was once a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he was attacked by robbers. They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. Luckily, a priest was on his way down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a Levite religious man showed up; he also avoided the injured man.

“A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man’s condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill — I’ll pay you on my way back.’

“What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?”

“The one who treated him kindly,” the religion scholar responded.

Jesus said, “Go and do the same.”

• Luke 10:30-37 (MSG)

This passage is one you might easily recognize. It is the parable of the good Samaritan who stopped to help a man in need when others would not due to their laws or personal reasons. As the students responded, the one who was loving the other person like a neighbor (as Jesus commands us to do) was the stranger from another community who stopped to help.

What does this have to do with helping other people? Well, as Christians, we are called to be like the Samaritan and help others. However, despite our best intentions, there are ways of trying to help other people that can be more harmful than helpful. Let’s take a look at what these are so we know to avoid them when we know someone who might need some help.

Bad ways to help other people

1. Working outside of your means — Many of us who believe in helping others will overextend ourselves. We’ll promise help when we don’t have much time for rest or our personal lives, which leaves us exhausted and without much to offer.
   
   Or, potentially worse, we’ll try to help people in areas we have no business helping in. For example, if you know someone struggling with something like addiction or suicide, your good intentions alone aren’t going to help. They need real, professional treatment and guidance. Yes, yours might be the voice that encourages them to seek this real help or to encourage them through treatment, but you're not the solution yourself.

2. Helping with an expectation of something in return — One of the most cringeworthy and despicable reasons someone may help another person is doing it with the expectation of something in return. Note, this is not the same as exchanging goods or services for favors, but rather what we’re talking about is helping someone and then “lording it over their heads.”
   
   For example, if someone you know is in a tight spot financially, you shouldn’t help them only to come to them later with a bunch of favors as though they owe you. Ulterior motives like this make people less inclined to trust or be vulnerable, which is more harmful to communities than it is helpful.

3. Helping someone who doesn't want it — No matter how badly you think someone needs help, if they don’t want it, you can’t force it upon them. First, the person might not even need help. It’s your perspective that may be skewed. And second, in the event someone clearly needs help, such as struggling with addiction, we can only do so much.

We can talk to them about the struggle we see, how it’s affecting them and how it’s affecting other people. However, we cannot force them to get help. That decision ultimately has to come from them if they expect to make any progress. At best, we can be a catalyst and support for them in their journey. 

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