Setting boundaries in difficult family relationships
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (MSG)
The Bible has a lot to say about love. Passages like this one from Paul’s letter to the Church of Corinth illustrates the value of love above all else. This follows in line with Jesus’ own message of the greatest commandment of all being to love God and love your neighbor as yourself.
So, we are to love others at all costs. But does this mean you let someone walk all over you when they’re negative, mean or hurtful? No, of course not.
Setting boundaries with toxic people
Have you ever heard the phrase “You can love someone from a distance”? It’s true. Sometimes, love from a distance is exactly what someone needs. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to love them at a distance. Someone who is negative or hurtful can grow entitled to your love if you continue to indulge them with your company or compliance.
If someone is hurting you or is constantly negative despite your attempts to help them recognize their behaviors, it’s time to set some boundaries to let them grow on their own. It’s OK to still be a part of their lives, but you’ll just be stepping back to play a smaller role until they cease their harmful behavior, or sometimes, for good.
Remember that your needs are just as important as the needs of someone else. Harmful and toxic people prey on the kindness of people like you. They see someone who is willing to go out of their way to love or be kind, and they think of ways to manipulate or abuse your behavior. You may continue to indulge them in hopes that enough kindness will change their hearts, but sometimes the best thing for both you and them is to step away.
Don’t ever feel selfish about letting a hateful person who is unwilling to change continue to live in their ways. You have your own life, joy, spirituality and body to care for. You won’t be able to love others who will receive it more graciously when you’ve broken yourself trying to love someone else who abuses it.
Be firm. Be realistic. Set boundaries and hold them to it. Hold yourself to it. If a time comes for healing or reconciliation, remember that you are in charge of your decisions. You don’t have to come back simply because the other person says they’re ready. Take a step back toward them when or if you’re ready.
Centerpoint Church is ready to walk with you on your faith journey
At Centerpoint, our community believes in purpose and passion, and we would love to walk with you on your journey in finding yours. We are currently going through a new sermon series titled “To Hell With Normal.” It’s all about redefining what we consider normal in life as we seek to make our lives more like the way Jesus would have them to be.
Do you want to grow in your faith or are simply curious about who this Jesus guy is? You’re not alone. We encourage you to listen to our series online and welcome you to come to one of our Sunday morning services in Valrico, Florida.