When Christmas doesn’t feel Merry: Finding Hope and Healing in Grief During the Holidays
The holidays can be a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness, but for many, they can also bring a deep sense of loss, sadness, and longing. If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, the festive season can feel overwhelming, even unbearable. Decorations, holiday music, and gatherings often amplify the absence of someone we cherish. How do we navigate this season with such a heavy heart?
As Christians, we believe in the hope and comfort of Christ, but even with faith, grief is a profoundly human experience that affects our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Here are some thoughts on how to care for yourself during this difficult time.
Acknowledge Your Grief
One of the most important things you can do is to give yourself permission to feel your emotions. Grief is not something to “get over” or suppress, especially during the holidays when memories and traditions bring your loss to the forefront.
It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or lonely. It’s okay to cry, to laugh, or to feel numb. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. Remember, even Jesus wept at the loss of His friend Lazarus (John 11:35). Grief is a natural response to love, and there’s no shame in feeling the weight of that love.
Adjust Your Expectations
The holidays often come with unspoken expectations—to be cheerful, to attend every gathering, to keep up traditions. But when you’re grieving, those expectations can feel impossible to meet.
Give yourself grace. It’s okay to say no to invitations or modify your usual routines. If baking dozens of cookies or decorating every room feels overwhelming, simplify. Prioritize rest and what truly brings you comfort.
Communicate your needs with family and friends. Let them know if you need quieter moments or if you’d prefer not to participate in certain activities. True loved ones will understand and support you.
Create New Traditions
While it’s natural to cling to traditions that remind us of loved ones, sometimes they can intensify our pain. Creating new traditions can be a way to honor the person you’ve lost while also acknowledging the changes in your life.
Consider lighting a candle in their memory, donating to a cause they cared about, or writing them a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings. These acts can provide a sense of connection and meaning while giving you space to process your emotions.
Take Care of Your Body and Mind
Grief often manifests physically, draining energy and disrupting sleep and appetite. During the holidays, it’s easy to neglect self-care, but tending to your body can help ease the burden of grief.
Sleep: Rest is essential. If you’re struggling with insomnia, consider establishing a calming bedtime routine or speaking with a counselor for support.
Eat Nourishing Foods: While comfort foods have their place, try to balance them with meals that energize your body.
Move Your Body: Gentle exercise, like walking or stretching, can release tension and improve mood.
If you find yourself feeling stuck or unable to function due to your grief, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Counselors and therapists can provide tools and guidance to support your healing process.
Find Ways to Experience Joy
Feeling moments of joy or laughter during grief is not a betrayal of your loved one; it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Allow yourself to embrace small pleasures, whether it’s watching a favorite movie, spending time in nature, or laughing with friends.
These moments of joy don’t erase your grief; they coexist with it, reminding you that healing is possible even in the midst of sorrow.
Lean on Your Faith and Community
As Christians, we can draw strength from the promise of Emmanuel, “God with us.” The holidays remind us that Christ came into a world full of pain and loss to bring hope and restoration. He walks with us in our grief, offering comfort and peace.
That said, leaning on your faith doesn’t mean suppressing your grief. Instead, it means bringing your pain to God, who understands your sorrow and offers refuge. Psalm 34:18 assures us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Engaging with your faith community can also be a source of comfort. Whether it’s attending a special service, joining a community group, or simply sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, being with others who understand can ease the loneliness of grief.
Give Yourself Time
Grief doesn’t have a timeline. You may find the holidays easier to navigate some years, only to feel the weight of your loss more acutely at other times. That’s okay. Healing is not linear, and each season of life may bring new challenges and reflections.
Be patient with yourself as you adjust to life without your loved one. Honor your journey and trust that God is working to bring beauty and peace even in the midst of pain.
A Final Word of Encouragement
The holidays will likely never be the same without your loved one, and that’s a reflection of the deep bond you shared. But while grief changes you, it can also open your heart to deeper compassion and gratitude.
Take things one day at a time, lean into the hope of Christ, and allow His peace to carry you through. You are loved, and you are never without hope.
As you navigate this season, remember that you are not alone. God is with you, your loved one’s memory lives on in your heart, and there is a community of believers ready to support you.
At Centerpoint, we want to walk with you on life’s journey. Join us for a Sunday service in Valrico, Florida and find a diverse, welcoming community where you can belong, even if you don’t believe the same things we do. Outside the Tampa Bay region? Join us online for a streaming service Sundays at 11am and engage in an online church community where you can chat with others, request prayer, and watch the service from the comfort of your home. Looking for more encouragement? Check out our articles, videos and resource links in the Mental Health section of this site.